I had an eating disorder due to PTSD caused in childhood. Last night I showed my sister this post, and tonight I had a flashback to one of the causes of that disorder.
This is my first public instance mentioning it, because I wanted to note that atop the idea that only women get eating disorders, I also had to explain how someone who didn't go to war could get PTSD, that multiple types existed. Then there's the issue of people caring in the wrong way, seeing you as a movie to watch, and not seeing you as a human being.
I have had people want to know the deepest details of the causes for my PTSD. I'd probably do well on tiktok monetising my worst memories. Is that the world these idiots want? Sometimes I worry it might be.
I have a few characters with PTSD. I won't ever say which ones. I hope I've done a good job.
Thank you for both comments. First, you are right with the "strong" characters reprogramming themselves by "finding themselves" or "learning to live again." They then act as if nothing ever bad happen. It's possible to come back strong then before, but the mark remains for almost all who have had severe PTSD. People also fail to understand that whatever form healing takes, it takes time- and that there are good stretches and bad stretches. It's not like a lightswitch.
And the "must have seen combat" is major fallacy. Moral injury, betrayal, seeing something all can create stress that interferes with other affairs, thus becoming PTSD. I hope you are doing better.
I also hope your sister was able to understand you as well as enjoy this article. How are you doing, friend?
I am torn in multiple directions so cannot offer an answer that feels both honest and accurate. In many ways I am doing well; new PC on the way for my writing and streaming (and my book podcast is coming back). I seem popular on the comedy circuit.
But in other ways I am afraid. I want desperately to leave my day job as the behaviour there actually triggers my PTSD (specifically about narcissists) but the money is easy when I am working from home. It's just the injustice of seeing people steamrolled by an uncaring system that upsets me. I had someone whose case was done wrong, and I told the person doing it, and she said "doesn't matter, I retire in July" and I said it does matter. It matters to that person. Zero empathy.
Atop that, writing the sequels to WHO BUILT THE HUMANS has me wondering, am I as smart as I was then? Or have the intervening years, in which I've opened the PTSD cave and looked around a bit, resulted in a sort of isolating effect where I am losing my vocabulary, my edge?
Oh wow. I do hope you can reach a level of peace with whatever you decide to do. I feel you with the writing. Sequels can be hard, and it's easy to doubt because of that. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I am well, overall. Can't complain. Though I do know I am decades ahead of retirement while being emotionally ready for it.
I doubted myself so much with Risen... then people said they loved it more than Fallen. Now I doubt myself with the follow on book, and even a sequel to a short story. It's natural.
I'm in Washington, DC. If you come to the capital, hit me up!
I think we've become so used to hollywood tales of 'strong' (read: badly written) characters un PTSDing themselves by vomiting a handful of catchphrases that the common person (read: uneducated / inexperienced) has been effectively reprogrammed to see PTSD as a temporary ailment, in much the same way normals will say "I kinda had depression last week when I realised Walmart was out of dorito dip oh my gooooood" and think it makes sense to us humans who have actually lived lives.
Thank you for this post, I may be inclined to write more comments on it soon.
"You will not get better." That hits hard. There are things in life one doesn't "get over." Yet so often fictional characters do get over whatever happens to them. We need characters that show us what to do when we can't go back to the before.
It's been a few weeks since I last read Fallen. For whatever reason, I've been in a slump where it's hard for me to sit down and read. Anyway, I can't wait to continue it.
Thanks for the comment. A lot of people consuming fiction seem to have difficulty in understanding that wounds can heal but leave crippling effects. It is through surviving and rebuilding that a lot of real life heroism happens- even with the scars. Fallen is about the salvation of Brendan from his spiral, Risen features what a priest reader described as "the Passion he was rebuilt for."
I hear you on the slump. I hope you can continue reading books (and Fallen!) soon!
I had an eating disorder due to PTSD caused in childhood. Last night I showed my sister this post, and tonight I had a flashback to one of the causes of that disorder.
This is my first public instance mentioning it, because I wanted to note that atop the idea that only women get eating disorders, I also had to explain how someone who didn't go to war could get PTSD, that multiple types existed. Then there's the issue of people caring in the wrong way, seeing you as a movie to watch, and not seeing you as a human being.
I have had people want to know the deepest details of the causes for my PTSD. I'd probably do well on tiktok monetising my worst memories. Is that the world these idiots want? Sometimes I worry it might be.
I have a few characters with PTSD. I won't ever say which ones. I hope I've done a good job.
Thank you for both comments. First, you are right with the "strong" characters reprogramming themselves by "finding themselves" or "learning to live again." They then act as if nothing ever bad happen. It's possible to come back strong then before, but the mark remains for almost all who have had severe PTSD. People also fail to understand that whatever form healing takes, it takes time- and that there are good stretches and bad stretches. It's not like a lightswitch.
And the "must have seen combat" is major fallacy. Moral injury, betrayal, seeing something all can create stress that interferes with other affairs, thus becoming PTSD. I hope you are doing better.
I also hope your sister was able to understand you as well as enjoy this article. How are you doing, friend?
I am torn in multiple directions so cannot offer an answer that feels both honest and accurate. In many ways I am doing well; new PC on the way for my writing and streaming (and my book podcast is coming back). I seem popular on the comedy circuit.
But in other ways I am afraid. I want desperately to leave my day job as the behaviour there actually triggers my PTSD (specifically about narcissists) but the money is easy when I am working from home. It's just the injustice of seeing people steamrolled by an uncaring system that upsets me. I had someone whose case was done wrong, and I told the person doing it, and she said "doesn't matter, I retire in July" and I said it does matter. It matters to that person. Zero empathy.
Atop that, writing the sequels to WHO BUILT THE HUMANS has me wondering, am I as smart as I was then? Or have the intervening years, in which I've opened the PTSD cave and looked around a bit, resulted in a sort of isolating effect where I am losing my vocabulary, my edge?
So it's complicated.
I'm doing okay.
How have you been?
Oh wow. I do hope you can reach a level of peace with whatever you decide to do. I feel you with the writing. Sequels can be hard, and it's easy to doubt because of that. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I am well, overall. Can't complain. Though I do know I am decades ahead of retirement while being emotionally ready for it.
Thanks man. Honestly I think the uncertainty about the book has trickled into everything else. I am usually quite good at dealing with human things.
We can retire sometime. Where abouts are you in the US? I am planning another visit in 2026
I doubted myself so much with Risen... then people said they loved it more than Fallen. Now I doubt myself with the follow on book, and even a sequel to a short story. It's natural.
I'm in Washington, DC. If you come to the capital, hit me up!
Will do!
I think we've become so used to hollywood tales of 'strong' (read: badly written) characters un PTSDing themselves by vomiting a handful of catchphrases that the common person (read: uneducated / inexperienced) has been effectively reprogrammed to see PTSD as a temporary ailment, in much the same way normals will say "I kinda had depression last week when I realised Walmart was out of dorito dip oh my gooooood" and think it makes sense to us humans who have actually lived lives.
Thank you for this post, I may be inclined to write more comments on it soon.
"You will not get better." That hits hard. There are things in life one doesn't "get over." Yet so often fictional characters do get over whatever happens to them. We need characters that show us what to do when we can't go back to the before.
It's been a few weeks since I last read Fallen. For whatever reason, I've been in a slump where it's hard for me to sit down and read. Anyway, I can't wait to continue it.
Thanks for the comment. A lot of people consuming fiction seem to have difficulty in understanding that wounds can heal but leave crippling effects. It is through surviving and rebuilding that a lot of real life heroism happens- even with the scars. Fallen is about the salvation of Brendan from his spiral, Risen features what a priest reader described as "the Passion he was rebuilt for."
I hear you on the slump. I hope you can continue reading books (and Fallen!) soon!