Each week in October there will be a new chapter of the humorous Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2!
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2: Chapter One
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2: Chapter Two
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2: Chapter Three (Coming Soon)
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2: Chapter Four (Coming Soon)
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2: Chapter Five (Coming Soon)
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2: The Tybee Uranium Killer
Chapter Two: The Junior Club of Savannahian Vampires
“Max! Please don’t be dead! I mean, you know, like dead dead!”
Max heard the plea as if it were a faint call from a distant shore. The back-and-forth slap that struck his face, though, sounded and felt exactly where he imagined they should be. A third slap caused him to open his eyes. There, staring down at him, was Debra with a hand ready to score a fourth blow. Max spent a moment taking in her changed appearance. She no longer looked like lightning had cooked her, though her eyes had lost their red shade. He noted how they had a human-like chestnut hue.
He thought about her eyes too long, though. She did a fourth slap.
“Oh, no! He has dead eyes!” Debra cried while winding up a fifth blow.
“Stop.” He grabbed her raised wrist. “I’m alive.”
Coughing, he took in the situation, free from fear of another physical assault. His body ached all over, his head was woozy, and he could tell his back was lying flat against the cold earth. As his eyes adjusted, he realized he was looking at the night sky.
“Did we make it to Savannah?” he asked.
His companion yanked her wrist free. “Did we make it?” She scoffed. “Everything that ghost said happened! Look at me! I’m- I’m- I’m human!”
“Hey, that’s the first good news I’ve heard since you kidnapped me in my bedroom.”
“Good news?!” She leapt up. “Good news?! Max, you brain dead zombie; this is a curse! Think about it! I may have only 60 years of life left in me!” She started pacing. “When we crashed, my body hurt all over, so I decided to feed to heal. Turns out cats don’t like it when humans try gnawing on them, Max! They’re mean; look at what the little devil did to me.”
Debra grabbed her collar and showed him a nasty red claw mark that went from her neck to chin.
“That looks like it hurt.”
Her mouth popped open and jaw dropped. For a moment — such a precious moment — she was quiet. But then she started speaking again. “This isn’t healing, you zombie with poor nutrition!” She then shifted to a hoarse voice. “I’m dying.”
A combination of his nocturnal kidnapping, having to defend her in court, watching the destruction of Oz, and now her hyperbole were enough to make Max roll his eyes until the end of time, but tonight, once was enough.
“You’re not-.”
She cut him off. “No, Max, don’t lie for my sake. I am human. Thank you for considering me, though. There is only one thing to do. We have to make me a vampire again before I grow old or you lose control of your hunger and try to eat my brains.”
“Debra, I’m not-.”
She nodded her head solemnly. “You’re not objecting, I know. You truly are a good friend. We must journey to the most dangerous place in Savannah, a coven of the most cruel, inhospitable vampires you would ever meet: The Junior Club of Savannahian Vampires. Do not let the name fool you; this fully mature brood is full of vile harpies.” Shivering, she continued. “There are- reasons- I never took you and Fred to them. Here, come with me.”
Debra reached down and grabbed his hand. However, when she started walking in the other direction, she went as far as their arms could stretch before falling down to the ground.
“What just happened?” she asked while lying on her back.
Max chuckled. “Well, you are a lightweight.”
“I’ve already lost my strength! I must be dying! Quick, we've got to go now!”
Debra’s struggle to get up was a nightmarish endeavor for her yet a comedic farce for Max to watch. She was as quiet as a flatulent hippo in her struggle as she made herculean efforts to rise up. For his part, Max’s muscles ached, but for surviving a balloon crash he was well off. The “zombie” was up at least fifteen seconds before the former vampire was.
However, once up, she put him in a headlock and proceeded down the streets of Savannah. As she marched him to her destination, she went on and on about “that den of vile, colonial matriarchs who lord their dark powers over the creatures of the night in Savannah.” While her rant continued, Max’s heart beat faster with each dire word he heard.
“Lucky for you,” she said, “zombie blood doesn’t interest them.”
More jostling occurred while Max tried getting his neck free from her hold, but all efforts failed. Just as he was about to wiggle out of it, she stopped at an all-white pre-Civil War mansion on Jones Street. The Italianate home with a Southern twist had an iron gate perimeter that protected two palm trees and bushes in the immaculate yard. Pillars stood on each side of the large doors, while ornate windows flanked the door from above and below. Lights were visible through the cotton drapes that covered the windows.
Debra took a deep breath and then took Max with her as she stormed past the iron gate, across the lawn, up the stairs, and burst through the doors. What happened next was loud.
“Sisters! A horrible tragedy has befallen me! I have been cursed! My vampirism has been stolen! I need you to return me to my proper state!” She looked down at Max and adopted an indoor voice. “By the way, I have a zombie here. He doesn’t do much, but I figure it would be a fair trade.”
“Hey!” Max exclaimed.
She whispered. “Be quiet. I may be able to work out something.”
It was only then that Max allowed his view to go from the treacherous Debra to the grand room before him. There, at four card tables, were sixteen women, appearing in age from their twenties to fifties, all wearing white nightgowns. They were all frozen with wide eyes and mouths slightly ajar. Studying them further, his mind registered their pale white skin, lush crimson lips, and red hue in their eyes. Max was in his first vampire coven.
A vampiress with flowing curly brown hair at the table near him was the first to regain her composure. Her red eyes zeroed in on Debra while her lips parted further, giving emphasis to her fangs.
“Oh no,” the woman said, “you remember what the judge said. Two hundred yards at all times!”
Debra shook her head no. “Now is not the time to bring up the past, sisters!”
The vampiress slapped the table, causing the other female vampires to leap in their seats. “You are no sister to us! We tossed your fangs out when we discovered you forged your membership card. Every Junior Club of Vampires has banished you, and you lost all visitor privileges at our tennis courts.”
“First off, I didn’t fake a membership card. I made a replacement card after the one you sent me got lost in the mail-.”
“Stop lying!”
A vicious back and forth commenced as the vampiress and Debra shouted over each other with claims and counterclaims and counter-counterclaims. During this time, the vampire closest to Max, seated no more than six feet away, leaned in with her intent eyes peering at him. Max let his attention focus on her raven black hair, then her face full of freckles, and then her thin fangs that left a gap on each side of them. Something in her shimmering eyes led him to stare into her crimson pools. For a moment, it felt that he was looking into centuries gone by.
The young vampiress gasped. “That’s not a zombie; he’s a living human!”
All the women vampires jumped out of their chairs. Their eyes were now wide open while their faces adopted a look of horror.
The vampiress arguing with Debra was the first to speak, this time with a much different tone. “Okay, everything is fine. No need to panic, right, Debra? No need for another repeat of the Fourth of July party, right, Debra?”
Another vampiress started hyperventilating while repeating, “I’m calling the cops, I’m calling the cops” over and over again. She then ran out of the room.
Debra’s headlock tightened around Max’s neck. The pain of it caused him to gag.
The freckled face vampire head bobbed about as she attempted to keep her eyes locked on Max. “Everything is going to be okay; don’t panic. You’re going to be fine.” Her tone, though, was not one that was assured everything was going to be fine.
The main vampiress started walking towards Debra. “Why don’t we talk about making you a vampire, okay? We have some yummy blood in the fridge. You can have all the glasses you want. Just let us take the man home, okay, Debra?”
Debra dragged Max backwards toward the door.
“Oh no,” his former vampire companion said. “Make me a vampire first, then we discuss him.”
“Debra, remember last time.”
The freckled face vampire got up and slowly crab walked to Max’s three o’clock out of Debra’s sight while whispering, “It’s going to be okay, sir, do not panic. We’re going to get you out of this.”
“I’m not deaf, you exclusionary elitist bloodsucker,” Debra bitterly declared.
The head vampiress waved her arms about. “Focus on me, Debra.”
Ever so slowly, the freckled face vampire bent over and reached towards the headlock. With gentle skill, she coaxed Debra’s arm to open up. Fresh air surged down Max’s throat, and he breathed in, filling his lungs.
However, at that moment, Debra looked down. “NO!!!!!!!!” She pushed the freckled face vampiress across the room, grabbed Max by the collar, and fled outside. He had no choice but to run with her to avoid being choked. For five whole minutes they ran. They ran past fancy homes he could have never hoped to have afforded, through red crossing lights, and past churches. It was a terrifying tour through a beautiful nocturnal city. The former vampire only stopped when they returned to the balloon crash site in the middle of a park.
“See what I mean,” she said while catching her breath. “Evil! Thieves!”
He gagged.
“Huh?” Then, noticing she was still holding his collar tight, she released him.
“You- were- trying-.”
“Max, I know your brain is mush by now, but think about your words before you speak. That way you won’t sound like an idiot to others.”
Anger boiled in him, but he decided it was better to get his lungs back to normal than trying to argue with her.
“You were trying- trying to trade me to them,” he finally managed to say.
She gave a dismissive hand wave. “I would have figured out something.”
He let his breath return to normal before he spoke. “We were supposed to wait here. Who knows if we missed-.”
On the breeze the first indications of sirens reached his ear. For a moment that was all they were, then they grew louder, closer. He turned toward the direction the sirens were coming. Three cop cars turned at the intersection and were barreling towards them. Both his former vampiric partner and he watched as each car lurched to a halt, and the officers got out with weapons drawn.
“Freeze!”
I Hope You Liked It!
Tell Me if You liked It
Let me know what you think. Comment or send me an email with your honest review. Knowing I have an audience is the greatest reward.
Share with Your Friends
The more people reading, the merrier!
A Small Tip of Thanks Goes a Long Way
I refuse to put up a paywall for my Substack. Instead, if you want to give a tip of thanks that I will reinvest in my writings, I have a Buy Me a Coffee account. Only give if you enjoy my work and think I deserve it.
Check Out My Science Fiction Series
Looking for psychological military science fiction? Read about the adventure of veteran Brendan Murphy as he tries to keep peace between Earth and a mysterious alien race known as the Sabia. Read the Fallen series today! Please remember to leave a review once you are done. Reviews are the lifeblood of independent creators
Other Independent Book Promotions
FREE FICTION FEAST - A world of stories without the price tag! - Free Books
Fostering Worlds by Jolene Fine - Book for Sale for $1
It starts with deception.
And it will end with sacrifice.
In the utopia of Horizon, peace is only an illusion. A dark secret festers at the planet’s core, threatening to tear apart the children of Magnar and Awry and plunge their people into an eternal battle for their souls.
As humanity’s birth unfolds, Magnar, Culum, and Kneph forge The Godhead and search for a way to escape the curse of the nulling—a fate worse than death, where body and soul are consumed by the Volcano Goddess.
Enemies to lovers? No. Lovers to enemies—times two.
In Fostering Worlds by Jolene Fine, three couples are tested—and none come out the same.
Mandrill, P.I. Prequel Comic by Christopher Brimmage - Free Prequel Comic
True Detective meets Looney Tunes meets Hellboy in this noir comic series, where a hardboiled, primate private detective uncovers conspiracies and solves mysteries across the backdrop of a cartoon city.
This prequel comic is a 12-page standalone tale in the Mandrill, P.I. universe.
Manny Mandrill is hired by his world’s anthropomorphic moon to uncover evidence of her husband’s illicit affair. Manny is spotted by his mark--the sun itself--and must escape before being burned to cinders!
Night Passage by Susan Draper - Free Short Stories
A collection of frightening tales that take place in the past, present, and future. From the depths of hell to the unknown threats of the universe, to human atrocities, these stories will scare you. Keep the lights on and lock the damn doors.
Until Next Time
Each week in October there will be a new chapter of the Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2!
As always, please leave a comment with any questions, reviews, thoughts, whatever about Fallen, Risen, Dormition, An Odd Pilgrimage, The Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency or whatever else I have discussed. I promise to reply!