Read the Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 1
Read the Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 2
Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency 3
Chapter Five
Debra was probably laughing at all the gold she fleeced from the mummy, sitting amongst stolen bicycles. Why was there a mummy walking around Savannah, anyway? Was it from some museum? Or did the weirdos of this even weirder city collect things in their homes that would come alive at random times? Speaking of home, how hard would it be to return to Ohio?
Those were all good questions Max would have been asking himself if he wasn’t hanging by his wrists over the Savannah River as a psycho shapeshifting woman was her claws on him.
“Lady! Lady! Stop!”
That was all he could get out of him for the past four hours. It was no good.
“Stop crying about it!” the woman hissed, her voice accented in a very angry French way.
Thankfully, this harsh command allowed his brain to process something new to say. “You’re cutting me! What the heck do you want me to do?! Thank you?!”
In a previous smart aleck quip, Max was able to enrage the vodou priest to the point the man untied him and started a fistfight. The lawyer had hoped for a similar result. This time, however, what he got were eyes lit by the fires of Hell drilling holes into his soul while claws dug to the bone. Feeling cold there for the first time made him shiver.
His lips trembled and he looked up to the sky and said, “Oh Fred, if you can help, please do; otherwise, I think we’re going to meet up soon.”
Taking a bucket straight to the face caused stars to appear all around him.
“Oh, sorry, Max! Didn’t mean to kick it into your zombie face,” Debra’s voice said.
The weregenet gave a low, closed-mouth growl that sounded like a motorcycle struggling to start. As she did so, she hunched forward and held her palms out toward Debra. The red-stained fingers once again turned into claws that dangled in a darkly playful manner.
Debra closed her eyes and nodded before taking a breath and looking at the woman. “Sally MacKenzie, I know why you are so angry. It’s because of what I did all those years ago to your great-grandmother. She came to New Orleans to be safe from the Blitz, and I- well- no easy way to say this- I took her life for no other purpose but to win the weekly prize at La Sombre Société de Madame Apolline. I won, and that riverboat circus totally earned its positive press, but that doesn’t justify the phony blood drive I set up. I can’t bring your great-grandmother back, but I can say, ‘I’m sorry and I love you.’”
Seeing his vampire colleague apologize ignited feelings that earlier encounters with the scouts and their skunk ape, the golem family, and the bicycles had numbed. Deep down he knew there was a kind hearted person in Debra, and maybe, just maybe, all it took was him being in danger for her to come out. He thought back to her saving his life from the Uranium Killer; she had shown goodness there, too. Perhaps, he thought, this was her path to salvation.
Then the woman hissed. “I’m not Sally MacKenzie, you fiend!”
The vampire’s mouth dropped and formed an o-shaped hole. Her eyes darted about and then she looked to the side while she rubbed her chin. After a few passes, she snapped her fingers and donned an eager appearance for a second before her face dropped again.
“Oh, no; oh, no. You’re the zashiki-warashi from Grace Nakimora’s house.” Debra held her hands up as if trying to stop a car. “Look, it wasn’t thought of as problematic at the time. Mickey Rooney played a beloved character in an award-winning movie and-.”
“Do I look like a Japanese child?!” the woman screamed.
Again, Debra’s eyes darted about and then she looked to the side while she rubbed her chin.
“You got to be kidding me,” the weregenet said. “I’m French!”
Debra snapped her fingers and looked eager, but again her face dropped. “Oh, no; oh, no. Look, Phillip Petain was a war hero and-.”
“Shut up!” the mysterious French half-woman, half-genet commanded. “Why do you insist on enraging me?!”
“Hey!” The vampire gave the impression of being genuinely offended, putting her hands on her hips. “I had to sit through a video of everyone I’ve wronged in Heaven’s waiting room. Give me a little credit, okay? There were a lot of people in that movie.
“Now, let me think.” She smiled. “I know who you are! You are that student parking maid I tricked into thinking I was your supervisor and needed to audit your cash. First off, I want to say it was wrong of me to call you ugly. You have matured into a decently looking woman.”
Spit flew from the weregenet’s mouth and teeth became canines. Eyes rolled back into her head and returned unhuman. Falling forward, she went on all fours and hissed. A vein appeared and then became massive on her neck. Her whole body shook.
“You- you- you-.”
The weregenet’s shaking became violent before suddenly stopping. For a moment she seethed, and she closed her eyes and pushed air out through her nostrils. Then, she stood back up and opened her eyes, drilling them into Debra’s.
Her voice contained venom. “I am Nicole DuClare. Do you remember me now?”
Debra’s eyes darted about. “Umm, no.”
“Then remember the nurse who you thought you murdered on the Red Cross relief trip!”
Again, the vampire’s eyes danced. “You’re not limiting it down.”
“Operation Torch. 1942. World War II!” Each word spoken stoked a fire in the woman.
“There was a Second World War and a World War II, now?”
The woman hissed. “Shut up! Just shut up! I was a nurse sent to save people’s lives in Morocco! You jumped me from behind but your mistress was coming so you threw me in a ditch to die! Berbers found me before your curse made me undead like your vile race. They used their magic to make me a weregenet. I survived, but now I am no longer human. Every night I sleep like an animal, in whose fur I am more comfortable in than in my own skin! All because of you! So I vowed I would get my vengeance and destroy everything and everyone you hold dear!”
Debra’s mouth dropped. “Wow,” she said. “Wow. Oh, wow. Okay. First things first. There’s probably more context, but I zoned out a bit during the film and I don’t remember you at all and-.”
“You don’t remember me?!”
Laughing nervously, the vampire took a step back. “The day I drank your blood was the most important day of your life. But for a vampire like me, it was a Tuesday.”
“It was a Thursday!”
From his dangling over the river, Max felt cold and voiced a weak cry for help. Neither of the women responded. Rather, Nicole began coughing.
“You. You ruined my life and you get called a hero?! You are so shallow you can’t even understand what you do again and again and again!”
A spark lit inside Debra and she smiled. “That’s not true. There was one time I tried talking my way past my friend Fred and lightning struck me. So, I’ve been through some hard times.”
Max now shook not from his wounds but from what he feared would come next. And he was right.
Eyes rolled back into Nicole’s head as she fell forward again. On all fours, her sweater became fur, and her legs were still mostly human but shrinking and bending into an inhuman shape. Her mouth grew into an animalistic snout.
“You- yew- hissssss!”
Her body lifted as she gave a sharp yip. Then, with no other sign of distress, her body collapsed onto the ground. There, on the cold cement, she remained frozen, stuck half-way between woman and animal.
“Wow,” Debra said to no one in particular. “I killed her with my words. That makes me like a wizard vampire. I could charge so much as a wizard vampire paranormal detective.” She laughed.
Those last words wrapped inside Max’s head. He wasn’t sure, but he had an idea that the blood loss and a correlational feeling of an ice cold void in him were causing things to appear remote and muted. He tried calling out to Debra but couldn’t get a sound out.
The vampire’s monologue continued when the weregenet’s body shook and a meek cry escaped from Nicole’s mouth.
“Oh, man,” Debra said with a sigh. Then her face brightened. “Hey! This is what Fred talked about!”
“Debra,” Max finally managed to get out, “please, help me down.”
The vampiress twisted her neck. “Max,” she snapped, “this isn’t about you! This is my time to shine.”
She gave her spine ramrod straightness and tilted her head up, full of pride. A smile grew on her face as she took her first step towards Nicole.
Just then, a golden glow flashed. Max had to look away for a moment. When he turned his gaze, Fred was standing where the weregenet was.
“Fred!” both the vampire and the lawyer declared in unison.
He gave a slight bow to both.
“Debra,” the saint said, “you were going to save the life of your enemy. For that, you have proven even you are redeemable.”
The vampire pumped her fist in the air.
“Fred,” Max said softly. His body shook as he pushed whatever strength he had left to speak. “Someone, please, help me.”
The former fisherman turned saint aimed his soft gaze at his friend and then held out his hand. A warm golden glow encased Max, and then the next thing he knew he was on the sidewalk pavement along side Debra. Patting down his body, he realized there were no wounds on him. In fact, he felt fine.
“Thanks,” he said. “I was afraid I was a goner.”
Debra shushed him. Then she reminded Max that not everything was about him.
“So,” Debra said, “was she in the portion of the movie I fell asleep or when I was getting that bowl of heavenly popcorn?”
“Neither,” Fred replied. “The Lord deemed that any of your real victims would attack you on sight. Nicole was a fiction, a mirage, merely the appearance of someone invented to teach you a lesson. She was never real.”
“What?! Her claws were real enough! I was going to die!”
“Max! Be quiet!” Debra’s light red eyes flared. “Can’t you see I am having an important conversation?!” She then looked at the saint and smiled a smile that belonged to an innocent schoolgirl and not a one hundred year old vampire. “Do I get the award?”
“You do, but you still have a long way to go.” Fred turned his golden ghostly form to Max. “And you, my friend, have an even longer journey.”
“What?!” Max went to put his hands on his friend’s shoulders but they went through the otherworldly form. “Oh.” He cleared his throat. “What do you mean?”
The vampire rolled her eyes. “Gosh, Max. Wait! No. I got this.” She closed her eyes for a moment and snapped her fingers. “Positive actions, Debra, positive actions.” She grinned at Max. “It must be your zombie brain rotting. That’s not your fault. You see, my decaying friend, you were a lawyer. Do you know how many sins you need to work through?”
“What?!”
A bright golden flash overwhelmed all senses. When it retreated, Fred was gone.
It was then a digital, high pitch chime boomed in the sky. It wasn’t threatening; rather, it reminded him of something from a first generation console game.
Immediately after the sound, the voice from his nightmare battle came from the sky. “Plus one grace point to Debra.”
“Woot!” the vampire screamed. She then broke into a dance.
Max was dumbfounded. No words could emerge from his mouth nor could thoughts form in his mind. All he could do was watch his partner celebrate.
Then, the voice, a mysterious narrator of the universe, described what Max saw.
“And she is dancing, the pavement slamming under her boots while she grins pridefully over her 1920s outfit. She never sleeps at night, she says. She says she’ll never die. She bows to imaginary fiddlers and sashays backwards and throws back her head and laughs deep in her throat. She is a great favorite in the city, according to herself. Her feet are light and nimble. She never sleeps at night. She says that she will never die. She dances in the night in shadow and she is a great favorite in her own mind. She never sleeps, Debra. She is dancing, dancing. She says that she will never die.”
Max screamed.
Buy My Books
Looking for psychological military science fiction? Read about the adventure of veteran Brendan Murphy as he tries to keep peace between Earth and a mysterious alien race known as the Sabia. Read the Fallen series today! Please remember to leave a review once you are done. Reviews are the lifeblood of independent creators, and using these links helps me too via the affiliate program!
And I am editing the fourth book presently.
Or check out my humorous Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency short stories.
Other Independent Book Promotions
This Strange Sight by L. J Long - Serialized Urban Audio dramatized audiobook on Substack! (Seriously, there’s cool stuff on Substack like this)
Book 1 of The Year of Jubilee, a gritty, faith-filled duology
Strange deaths occur in modern-day Beijing when a girl blinded by loss partners with a demon. Meanwhile, Jubilee Li, a reformed thief who wrestles with the power of supernatural sight, finds herself recruited onto a serial killer case by a peculiar private detective…
This is a serialized urban fantasy about redemption, spiritual warfare, and the long road to healing from shame and the past—set against a backdrop of unseen forces and cross-cultural tension. It includes a twist of humor and a slow-burn romance subplot, plus dramatized audio episodes to bring the story to life.
The Survivors by Richard Rimington - Free Book
In this tale of space opera and cosmic adventure, the Ambassador of a mysterious and ancient family must forge a path through chaos to overcome the terrible enemies that desire humanity’s destruction.
Her plan to avert galactic catastrophe will unite a band of survivors who have faced every imaginable danger and disaster.
Androids & Aliens by J. Scott Coatsworth - Free Book
Androids & Aliens is Scott's third short story collection - eight sci fi and sci-fantasy shorts that run the gamut from cyborgs to (comedic) alien invasions:
Rise: The rise in sea levels caused by climate change swallowed Venice beneath the lagoon half a century ago. But what if we could bring it back?
Ping: I was a real estate agent by day, and a museum curator in the evening at a sci-fi museum. What I saw one night changed everything.
What the Rain Brings: Miriam struggles to make a living in post-climate-change Vancouver. But her friend Catalina has it even worse in the Arizona desert. So Miri hatches a plan.
High Seven: Zan dreams of making full reals - immersive live virtual reality skins - but his low score may doom him to a life of cheap coding.
Full Real: Dek's given up his life of spying for the city. But one more case awaits him. Will he regret it more if he takes it, or turns it down?
Shit City: The Bay Area is being walloped by a hurricane, and seventeen-year-old Jason Vasquez has been relocated to a refugee city in the Nevada Desert. Will it be temporary shelter, or change his life?
Firedrake: Kerry has always wondered about his deadly powers. But a mysterious bunch of violet roses starts him on the path to discovery - even if he's not sure he's going to like what he finds.
The Last Human Heart: I'm one of the Remainers, the few cyborg humans still living on this busted planet. But if my still-human heart finally gives out, I may not live to find out the truth about who I am.
This is the first time all of these stories have all been collected in one place, and the first publication of the Pacific Climate Tryptich - What the Rain Brings, High Seven, and Full Real - in any form.
Until Next Time
Next Wednesday, 4 November, I will have a special reveal!
As always, please leave a comment with any questions, reviews, thoughts, whatever about Fallen, Risen, Dormition, An Odd Pilgrimage, The Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency or whatever else I have discussed. I promise to reply!