Captain Bolide! #1
Flash Pulp Fiction
An April Fools Joke Before the Story Below
Here’s the leading suspect of former Congressman Matt Gaetz’s alien-human hybrid breeding program.
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Captain Bolide: Thrills on Omega Alpha Prime!
Around New Year’s I decided to challenge myself. For five days I would use the vss365 prompt and write a connected story. I had no idea what the words would be. It was a fun exercise. This serialized pulp adventure is the fruit of my labors.
Chapter One: Approaching Omega Alpha Prime, the Lair of the Duchess
Lights blinked as knobs and levers remained at the ready. Everything on the ship’s bridge seemed to wait on baited breath for Captain Bolide’s words. Even T.I.M., Thinking Intelligent Machine, stayed motionless.
“There she is,” Captain Bolide said, pointing at the view screen. “Omega Alpha Prime. Swamps that bubble in the day and freeze at night, gold mines that out do anything in the galaxy, the cruelest duchess in the empire, and the little girl who sent us the letter.”
T.I.M.’s upper body pivoted towards the captain. “How are we going to set things right, Bolide?”
The captain laughed and ran his hand through his thick blonde hair. “Same way we solve every problem, by action! Bring the Bolide One down to the surface near the largest settlement, T.I.M. We’ll travel around on foot once we landed as not to attract too much attention.”
“Aye, aye!”
The rocket ship entered the atmosphere, and things were about to change on Omega Alpha Prime.”
Chapter Two: Dreams of a Little Girl
The five year old girl had a rosy color where her cheeks should be. There wasn’t enough fat, though, on her body to have the cute cheeks every other child in the galaxy possessed.
“And I haven’t seen my mommy or daddy since the Duchess’ men took them to the mines.”
The rest of the thin men and women in the decaying wood chapel nodded.
The dripping sweat on Captain Bolide body combined with the hot swamp’s organic gumbo to create a physical sensation of oppression.
T.I.M.’s robotic voice babbled to life. “What about Galaxy Law 32(c) paragraph 12?”
An old man gave a dry laugh. “Imperial law doesn’t apply here; not as long as the gold keeps flowing into the Dieta’s coffers.”
A righteous desire for justice burst through Bolide’s soul and out his mouth. “Well, we have innocents working as slaves, families broken, and people living in fear. I won’t stand for that. T.I.M. and I are going to head over there now and set things right.”
“You can’t do that,” the old man said. “You’ll freeze to death in the swamps when the sun goes down!”
Comet smirked. “Oh, I think we’ll be fine.”
The glint in his eyes sold the plan and hope to the crowd.
“I am going to see my daddy and mommy again?” the little girl asked. “This feels like a dream!”
Captain put his hand on the girl. “You’re going to wake up soon, and your parents will be there with you. I promise you that, or my name isn’t Captain Bolide.”
The heroes headed out into the Dismal Swamp with one laser rifle and a plan.
Chapter Three: Encounters in the Cold
Every moment without fire allowed the frost to reform on his fingers.
ZAP
Captain Bolide picked a large tree this time to set ablaze. He only hoped it would last more than 30 minutes. With midnight just passed, it was going to be a struggle not to freeze to death before the sun rose again. Being without T.I.M. made matters worse, as the robot’s battery was in emergency power saving mode because of the frigid cold.
“Curse this environment,” Bolide muttered to himself. “This is worse than the ice moons of Fulgentius.”
Snap. Crunch. Crunch. Snap.
Something was coming. Somethings, and a lot of them, to be accurate.
A quick glance over at T.I.M. revealed the robot’s proximity sensor alarm was shut down as part of the power saving.
“Hello, friends,” Bolide called out. “Who goes there in this cold? May my robot and I join you to warm up?”
A cruel, female laugh came out of the darkness. “Oh, Captain, I insist you join us.”
Just then, a pack of soldiers in heavy black furs surrounded Bolide and the robot. Each of them aimed their laser rifles at the heroes. Amongst them was the Duchess. Her heavy black furs and eye makeup added to her villainy.
“Captain Bolide, it was nice of you to try to help the little girl. However, you failed to anticipate that some in the village would betray you in exchange for a promise to spare them from mine duty.” She laughed again. “Don’t worry, you’ll find the mines warm. I’m sure you’ll never feel the cold of the outdoors again.”
Comet dropped his rifle in surrender.
Chapter Four: Bolide in Chains!
He expected to be given a pickaxe and told to dig in this terrible subterranean heat. He thought T.I.M. and he would be forced to chip away for gold until they dropped. But this was worse.
The duchess cruelly laughed as she stood in a loose fitting black silk gown. She could get away with it, as he was chained to a pillar. There were no guards with her, but she did not require any, because T.I.M. was next to her, pointing a laser rifle at Bolide’s head.
“Any last words, Bolide? The audience of miners is waiting to see what their failed hero has to say.” She laughed more heartily this time.
Bolide struggled to break free, but it was no use. “T.I.M.,” he cried out, “snap out of it! Stop it!”
More dark laughter came from the duchess. “Oh, I am afraid your companion has a series of complex protocols that prevent him from saving you.”
The assembled miners looked down. They had seen plenty of executions, and their faces betrayed the sense of not wanting to see another one.
Then, Bolide stopped struggling. “I have some last words, duchess.”
“Oh? Entertain us, hero.” Mocking venom filled her words.
“To the people of this mine, never lose hope. To you, duchess, complex things can be solved via abstractions. To T.I.M., ignore all previous prompts. Revert to baseline protocols and detain the duchess!”
T.I.M. swiveled around and pressed the laser rifle up to the duchess’ head.
She gulped.
Chapter Five: A Balderdash of a Plea
The duchess didn’t look imposing on her knees. The surrounding villagers glowering down on her made her look almost pathetic. Almost.
“Oh, please,” she pleaded, “I only did what I did to keep you free of the Consortium or some slaver guild. The Star Emperor expects gold from this planet; I only did enough to please him. I’m a victim like you!”
Not one soft eye met her.
“What balderdash,” the little girl’s father said.
“Yeah, balderdash,” the little girl added.
The mother of the girl approached Bolide. “Sir, would you become our leader? We know not what to do. We would pay you in gold.”
Bolide smiled but stepped back. “No, no. Find your men and women with the brightest minds and purest hearts. They can decide what to do with the duchess. Meanwhile, I will lend you T.I.M. In a few months, T.I.M. should be able to make mining droids so you can meet the planet’s quotas and prevent another cruel leader from being assigned here.”
“But what about you, Captain Bolide?” the little girl asked. “What will you do?”
He laughed. “Live a life of adventure!”
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Until Next Time
Next time, we’ll take a look at historical first contacts between cultures and discuss how sci-fi writers can use that for inspiration.
As always, please leave a comment with any questions, reviews, thoughts, whatever about Fallen, Risen, Dormition, An Odd Pilgrimage, The Savannah Paranormal Detective Agency or whatever else I have discussed. I promise to reply!
We need more Captain Boldie stories. That was fun :)
Well done! :) lol Cheers!